What I Wish I Knew Before....

During high school, even though I don't think I was even aware of it, I think that I spent far too much of my time trying to fit in.  If you want to know which crowd I was trying to fit into, I honestly couldn't tell you.  But looking back, I can tell you that I rarely felt like the things I did were because I wanted to do them, but because I felt that I needed to do them in order to live up to some sort of standard that somehow seemed to have been set for me.  After graduating, I set out on one of the biggest adventures of my life.  I don't think I could have ever comprehended how drastically this experience was going to alter my life, but it did. 
When I first went on the road, (or on "Team" as we called it) I had originally been called as a vocalist for the group, but through a series of unfortunate events, our soundtech had to return home indefinitely.  This left an immediate need for a soundtech.  On my team, I was the only person that didn't play an instrument, and by process of elimination, I became the chosen candidate to become the not only the vocalist but the soundtech as well. I knew NOTHING about sound technology, and here I was about to venture out on a year's adventure doing something that I was clueless about.  I am the kind of person who likes to do my best in what I am doing, and I just didn't see how I could achieve that when I didn't understand my job!  In fact, at that point, I knew I just could not do it.  I set myself up to expect failure. 
The organization that I worked for had a really wonderful program set up, so that experts in the field of sound technology actually trained us in our daily tasks.  The only problem was that I had missed a majority of that training by coming in late, and had a very short amount of time to catch up before heading out on my own. 
Before team, I was by no means a "technologically savvy person"...in fact, I was quite the opposite.  I think that if I even looked at any kind of electronic, I could probably break it, and here I was about to accept responsibility for thousand of dollars of equiptment.  I just kept thinking, "I can't. I can't. I can't." 
I had three amazing soundtechs working with me to catch me up, and one day after a near-melt down on my part, one of these soundtechs took me aside and said, "You know, you are capable of doing anything, you just have to allow yourself to do it." 
This stopped me in my tracks.  How did I decide I was not capable of being a sound tech?  How did I decide I was not capable of so many other things that had come my way?  Right then and there I learned probably one of the most important things in my life.  I am my biggest obstacle.  I decide what I let myself believe I can do.  I wish I had realized this before, because I think I might have had the courage to explore many new things so much earlier! 
I did go on to be the soundtech for my team, and yes, I even broke a few things.  But by the end of the year, I was able to do the unthinkable...I could fix what I broke!  And I wouldn't have been able to, if I hadn't stopped holding myself back. 
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